Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Mental Health Issues of the Sri Lankan War Widows

If men were the principle casualties of the War, these widows represent its collateral damage.- Ed Payne: “Collateral Damage

(March 24, Ontario, Sri Lanka Guardian) One harsh reality of the war is that the every soldier killed in war leaves behind grieving relatives. It has been a reality since the Trojan War.

The women who were left widows as a result of the Sri Lankan conflict are facing radically altered circumstances. There are estimated thousands of War widows and war-affected family members from the Tri Forces who still experience grief reactions. Many widows are in the 22 to 35 age group and with the death of their husbands; these women have become a psychologically and socially vulnerable group. Most of the women who underwent severe emotional pain still have not completely recovered. Many have become the victims of pathological grief. They are unable to work through their grief despite the passage of time. With the widowhood, they experience identity change, role adjustment and change in social status.

Sri Lanka Guardian: The Mental Health Issues of the Sri Lankan War Widows

Friday, March 19, 2010

Professional College Counseling Pays Off In The End

College Planning Consultant: Professional College Counseling Pays Off In The End

"If we're going to make any dent on poverty in America, we have to help students get a postsecondary degree." Melinda French Gates

Steve Wagasky, College Funding Consultant
College Planning Professionals
http://collegeplanningprofessionals.com
stevewagasky@collegepp.com

Monday, March 8, 2010

93% of LE has yet to be properly informed of the vital necessity of NamUs

NamUs.Gov LE Awareness Campaign

Time: March 8, 2010 at 6pm to April 8, 2010 at 7pm
Location: USA
Website or Map: http://namus.gov
Event Type: namus-le-awareness
Organized By: Sara/Peace4 Co-Founder
Latest Activity: 1 minute ago
Have you checked with your local law enforcement concerning their awareness and use of NamUs.Gov?

93% of LE has yet to be properly informed of the vital necessity of NamUs.
Although it may take some effort, Together .. We Can!

This is a call for action ... please help spread awareness to those in law enforcement of NamUs.Gov ...

LE Training Modules
http://projects.nfstc.org/namus/

Let's see how much we can accomplish in 1 month's time!
Read more at peace4missing.ning.com

How to spot an online bully

The serial bully
How to spot signs and symptoms of serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths
including the sociopathic behaviour of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath

 

"All cruelty springs from weakness."
(Seneca, 4BC-AD65)

"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer."
Tim Field

"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is."
Winston Churchill

"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognise, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer"
Tim Field

I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your life?

The serial bully:
  • is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
  • has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act
  • excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive
  • uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
  • is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance
  • is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmanoeuvre most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict
  • is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic
  • relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
  • is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly
  • cannot be trusted or relied upon
  • fails to fulfil commitments
  • is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
  • is emotionally inept (*edited) and emotionally untrustworthy
  • exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behaviour and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
  • in a relationship, is incapable of initiating or sustaining intimacy
  • holds deep prejudices (eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
  • is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability
  • has a deep-seated contempt of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion
  • is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
  • displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
  • shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
  • flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
  • refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
  • is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
  • undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
  • is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
  • is quick to discredit and neutralise anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
  • may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organisations in pursuance of the vendetta
  • is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
  • gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
  • is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
  • poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
  • when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
  • is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
  • often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
  • is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
  • is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
  • is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy
  • is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
  • is always a taker and never a giver
  • is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
  • often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
  • often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
  • knows the words but not the song
  • is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
  • sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committee-aholic or apparent workaholic
Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behaviour and thus liable for its consequences to other people. If the bully doesn't know what they are doing, they should be suspended from duty on the grounds of diminished responsibility and the provisions of the Mental Health Act should apply.


Please join us at Peace4 the Missing
Missing Persons Awareness and Support Network
http://peace4missing.ning.com

If you become a target of online harassment, stay cool and keep a record

Online Targeting and Harassment
Aidan Maconachy

Most internet harassment goes on in chat rooms and newsgroups, also via email. Internet law has tightened up since the early free wheeling days when there were very few controls in place. For example it's become a federal crime in the US to anonymously "annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person" via internet or other telecommunication systems. So it's on the books, if people choose to go after the bullies.

Some people do. In a precedent setting case in 2006, a Florida woman, Susan Scheff, successfully sued for defamation over the internet and was awarded $11.3 million. The defendant was unhappy with the referral service offered by the plaintiff and posted complaints and insults on the internet, accusing Ms Scheff of being a"crook" and a "fraud".

Another 2006 case in the UK suggests that tolerances are rapidly changing. Internet users are becoming less willing to put up with personal attacks, and in some cases are taking it all the way to the top. In the UK case, a Tracy Williams was ordered to pay damages of 10,000 pounds plus 7,200 pounds in costs for accusing a male acquaintance, Michael Keith-Smith, of being a "sex offender" and "racist blogger". She also accused his wife of being a prostitute.

I'm not wholly enthusiastic about these cases, because a legal chill is liable to act as a powerful disincentive when it comes to simple use of language. After all, part of the power of the net is that it is a lot less regulated than many other aspects of our lives. This is why we need to police ourselves and avoiding indulging in behavior that will provide justification for those who are eager for excuses to increase regulation and control.

If you do become a target of harassment or defamation, stay cool. Don't react or get into a flame war with the people doing the harassing. Make a point though of keeping a record - emails, posted comments etc, along with dates, times and any identifying information that may come in handy at a later date.

Depending on the stealth method used, you might be able to acquire additional info about the source of the attack. Legitimate services such as "nslookup" and "tracert" enable users to track hosts, IP addresses and MAC addresses. There are also professional services you can enlist that use the information you provide to dig for additional info. Make sure they operate within the law, as some are little more than hackers-for-hire.

As in any ordinary case of harassment, it's important to build the case and gather the evidence. Don't release any of this material to the person you suspect is behind the abuse, until and if you are prepared to go the distance.

If you are concerned about your privacy and reputation, it may be advisable lower your profile. Often disengagement and non-reaction stops harassment because most cyber trolls and bullies get their jollies from the belief that they are ruining your life.

If there is no hidden history or baggage you are anxious to keep confidential i.e. criminal record, then continue to put your best foot forward. Most users savvy with the ways of the net are well aware that defamation is a weapon that can be used for any one of a number of malicious reasons. There are outspoken politicians and pundits online who attract pages of gossip and speculation on Google. Most of them remain unaffected by it and keep on trucking.

Over time, defamatory commentary loses its edge when it becomes apparent that nothing has come of it. It gets to be old news. In a way you will be stronger for it. Other net users get to know who is being harassed and look to see how the target is reacting. In the case of bloggers, it's important not to allow harassment to become an obsession, and especially not a subject for constant posts. To most readers this comes across as a bit unhinged and obsessive. Not helpful, since the average visitor has little or no interest in a blogger's personal online angst.

It really comes down to the individual in the end. If you've nothing to hide - you have nothing to fear except fear itself.

Aidan Maconachy is a freelance writer and artist based in Ontario. You can visit his blog at aidanmaconachyblog.blogspot.com/.