Saturday, November 15, 2008

I was so happy when I met my husband. We were perfect for each other. But as we go along, I'm finding things that I don't like. Porn was never a big deal for me, watching one was fine once in a blue moon. I didn't know of his addiction until I got pregnant. He always turned me down whenever I'd come onto him. I didn't know why. I thought it was because my belly was getting bigger. Soon to find the magazines in the washroom, waking up to him jerking off in other rooms watching porn. I knew I was not good enough for him. He settled for what he could get.

He doesn't really take me out. I think aside from money being tight, I'm just not worth the trouble. He's married me, that's it.

After having my son, I've had trouble getting the weight back down. I've been working myself very hard exercising everyday. But now I think, what for? He's still going to ignore me, he's not going to notice, and his eyes will still be unfaithful.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm blank inside. I thought I was the only one in his eyes. I believed him when he told me that I was beautiful, and that has never happened before. The thought of running away has come into my mind many times, but I could never do that to my son.

Emotionally, I'm in a place where no one can follow. Everywhere I turn, I'm lost, in a darker, deeper place.

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