Sunday, October 12, 2008

Shattered Pieces of Spousal Abuse

In light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I am sharing this more personal post of the story of me.

Once Upon A Time...there was a Little Me...So innocent, so pure...

Perfectly created, perfectly shiny...perfectly new...

Perfect neat or naughty...perfect messy, perfect happily just being me...

Such a free little girl who danced through her life, giggling without reason, loving without hesitation, trusting without any reason not to...perfectly loved in an unconditional way...perfectly safe, perfectly protected from what someday would come my way.

Free to imagine how great I'd become, to daydream almost always, to be scared of the night and terrified of to be silly, free to spill my milk, to sometimes be flighty, usually messy and often late...a fragile piece of blown clear glass with nothing to hide, nor to hide to be perfectly imperfect me.

One day older plus many days perfect, some older, fragile glass self was gently taken off my safe shelf.

And my happy go lucky, ignorant youth, happily skipped into a far from perfect, fallen world.

So I got chipped a little, scratched a lot, but polished up quickly without too much harm due...until...there was you.

Did you notice my beauty then, the first time we met? How truly transparent I was? I had nothing to hide then nor anything yet built up on me to hide it you remember how pristine the glass was before the first time you touched me?

And...I can't help but wonder...did a part of you ever pause before you put that first smudge on me? Did you not know then how ugly you'd find the dirty, cracked glass of your creation? Or had you always planned to break your promise to be ever so gentle with easily breakable, delicate me?

And the last time you left me, when right before you left...well, why didn't you just leave? Why did you first have to find hurt me again.

You grabbed me from that dusty shelf that I was hiding on, why did you hate me? You eagerly, almost with pleasure shook me and then smashed me on the floor.

I used to wonder...what made you so mad at me? Whatever was it that made you not even want me enough to keep kicking me around? Of course then I remember, the word that I said, to bring on even greater rage from really don't like it all, do you?...When someone says 'STOP' to you...

So you threw me and I violently crashed...I exploded, I decided to put an end to my story that day. The delicate work of clear blown glass, the little me I once just a million different pieces of sharp and jagged glass, each one bleeding their own unique shade...right there, where you left me, upon the dirty floor. Did you ever consider pausing before you quickly walked away? Did you ever think about cleaning up that mess that you had made?

But you don't write my whole life's story and it wasn't your decision to say The End.

So the millions of pieces of shattered glass upon the floor each now displaying the millions of forever stained shades from the colors they bled before...they got up, they moved on, they live now, so damn much better than before.

Did you think that I'd just be swept up, quickly thrown away? Did you think that was the last of the once prized trophy you tried to destroy that day?

And now...if you could see me, how stunned you'd truly be, so taken aback by my intricate beauty, by the better me, now me. It's really quite a miracle, it even surprises live my cherished presence, to love who I am today...because, well...there's just so much more to me now, in part because you smashed me to the floor that day. Who would have thought, not you, I'm sure...the result of your destruction...would end up blooming into something greater than we could have ever imagined?

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy and it took more than just create this breathtaking showpiece that you still most likely just haven't the sight to see. I've finally come into myself, more so of who God always intended me to be...only His Design could turn a million shattered pieces into a whole, complete...perfectly perfect me.

And now...when the light shines through me, the colors that I once bled...they reflect a million different shades of iridescent mix of me, the reflection of how I choose to display the entirety of me.

Sometimes, this gift, this shines outside of me, magically finding and seeking the darkened paths of those most in need. And I am so blessed to have this light, to be able to share it...the joy, the gift to do so...well, to you...I can't explain, gives back so much more, makes such an even brighter me!

So that's me...perfectly imperfect. The clear, transparent glass you once destroyed now lives out loud with so much to give, reflecting God, shining forth His Grace in a myriad of amazing, most colorful ways...

It's just..beautiful...and...It's Me!

Perfectly Imperfect Mosaic Me

by Sara Huizenga Lubbers

No comments: